Red cloak woman painting by Amrita Shergill, 1937
One evening, when Shahida’s family had gone to attend some unavoidable event at her daughter-in-law’s family, I got an opportunity erstwhile rare to sit and talk to her. As a curious soul who never stops asking any elder Ladakhi about Ladakh’s past, I chanced upon Abi Shahida and her life so far. She beautifully narrated a hidden narrative of a Ladakh in her days when her beauty built her way for the heart that was unstoppable defying religion and region.
Shahida was just 17 when she was sent to be a nanny at one of the most prominent Christian families of Yonathan Paljor in Ladakh. She was to be a nanny for Yonathan’s expecting wife Deskit at Shey. Shahida’s mother was so elated by the offer that she sent Shahida to Yonathan’s family with an Ibex’s loin hunted near Likir plains as a gesture of gratitude to provide an opportunity for Shahida to climb the social ladder and having brighter prospects being in Leh. Despite belonging from a royal family in Likir, Shahida’s mother wanted her daughter to be in the elite circle of Leh to groom herself to become an urbane and bright young lady. With the passage of time and by the time the new born came into the family, Yonathan’s wife proved too harsh for Shahida and she couldn’t bear the harsh treatment anymore. She decided to run away to escape the drudgeries of working hard as well as getting reprimanded despite the hard work from Shey. One early morning, after milking the cows, Shahida ran away following the tracks along the bank of River Indus since she had no idea about the path as well as she did not want herself to be discovered by people riding horses on the usual tracks.
After walking tirelessly for a day and passing several buildings, she stumbled upon a building familiar to the stories she had heard from her maternal uncle from trade. The building was called Likir Labrang and upon entering its gates, she found her maternal uncle unloading the ponies for the night halt. Shahida hugged her uncle, cried loudly and beseeched him not to send her back to Yonathan’s family again. He agreed to her and took her along to Likir. Upon discovering Shahida’s rebellious runaway, Yonathan’s family offered to take her back again. Yonathan was trained as a priest in Saharanpur, so he was now offered a priesthood in Srinagar. Yonathan’s family proposed to Shahida if she would like to join them to Srinagar. Shahida blatantly refused despite her mother wanting her to go with them.
After some reconciliation to put her back to a rich family, Shahida’s mother decided that she should go and stay at her second maternal uncle’s house at Leh. He was taken as a house husband at a royal family in Leh and Shahida was to be staying there. It was a few months at Leh when she saw Yasir one day at a Yarkandi Archery festival. She lost her heart to him there and he was indeed one of the most sought smart young man among the young ladies of Leh. In her words, Shahida says, “He was indeed the talk of the event wherever he went and all the rich girls of Leh looked for him. I used to get angry on them and decided that I want to be with him no matter what”. After seeing each other clandestinely for a few months, Shahida decided to marry and become Shahida from Kunzes Angmo in secret.
Shahida says, “It happened so hurriedly but I took three days to decide whether I should listen to my heart or follow the religion of my birth. I cried, couldn’t sleep the whole night thinking about the repercussions. My heart won as I could not give up on him”. On the day of the marriage, Shahida had almost reached Yasir’s house where there was a small pond and she stopped there again with the thoughts of returning back to her family and religion of her birth. But, Yasir’s friend convinced her that the modest, mini-arrangements had been done and it would be a sad state of affairs for everyone to quit at that juncture. And then, she let her heart take the decisions and got married to Yasir. She was named as Shahida that day.
Yasir’s father was one of the renowned legal experts in Leh and he had even served the British Commission in his youth. After three days when words of Shahida’s wedding reached her maternal house, Shahida’s father and uncle rushed to Yasir’s house to take Shahida back. She was sent to a neighbour’s house to avoid any scuffle because of her presence during this exchange. Yasir’s father negotiated with Shahida’s father and uncle with some legal threats if they do not agree to his terms. Finally, they went back and a new life started for Shahida as a married woman. No one visited or asked about her well-being for a year until she had her first child with Yasir. Her mother visited her to see her grandson and bless him. On asked if she had any regrets getting married to Yasir, she says, “It’s been more than five decades to our marriage and on the day of our wedding, two more friends of mine were converted too and got married. I do not have any regrets and Yasir is a wonderful man as a husband. He took such good care of me and his family too except the mother-in-law was slightly bitter in nature”.
Shahida was blessed with five children and she had to abort the sixth one due to poverty and lack of resources for the other children. She went to the only known local hospital to do the abortion and her family supported her in this step too. Today, all her children are doing well in various fields. She has several grandchildren out of which she was worried most about her first child’s only son. Looking at her grandson’s nonchalant attitude toward studies, she recounts her own son, the child’s father to be saying her some 30 years, “Amaley, I have managed to pass my matriculation. Please tell me to do anything else except studies. I cannot do it”. She laughs at the recollection of this memory and connects this with her grandson’s attitude toward studies despite having all the comforts one could ask for today.
On asking about her views on inter-religious marriage in Leh today, she says, “Oh dear! That’s the only thing I request my youngest son/child to not think of because I don’t see love as a bad thing but in today’s times’ tolerance for such things have gone for a toss. Houses have been burnt and people have lived in fear because of that. Humans ought to live with love and not hatred, why create or do something to promote hate? Rest, Allah knows the best and he will do the best for us”. I asked her back if she was in touch with her friends who were married on the same days as she was and she laughingly replies, “Oh chocho! We all are lost in the everyday busyness of the day but we do take out time to meet sometime and share our stories with each other. Unfortunately, one of us could not have children of her own. That’s a sad thing. We do all we do for our kids otherwise why would you like to be an unpaid servant in someone’s house for nothing?”
Please note that the names have been changed to maintain anonymity on the request of the storyteller.
theImpulsiveFinger 